Life never stops, but I sure do let it get in the way :-(

I've been on the blog site a few times, but I have not had enough umph to get it updated. We are having fun getting everything into order for Thanksgiving. Thank goodness for holidays since it puts a fire under us to get things done around the house. We have repainted in the kitchen, bathroom and living room. We got new furniture for the living room, I painted by worn kitchen table, repainted my living room lamps. Now if I could get myself into that kind of order it would be great.

I'm really excited for Jeff and his family to get here for the weekend. Jeff says that Ty is so excited he can hardly stand it. Believe me I feel the same way. I know it's harder for Ashlyn since she doesn't have anyone to hang out with when she is here. And her being a teenager only adds to the boredom of grandma's. Just hang in there Ashlyn I love having you around even if you get bored. Of course - Annie has requested a trip to see Harry Potter - and she knows that is a top priority for me. Who else can be as big a Harry fan as me - well I think Crispin is getting close, but Annie loves the story almost as much as me.

We are missing having the Chase's here this year. This is a first year in a long time that Kendi, Chris and their family will not be here. Kendi will be heading to Utah for Katie's funeral, but will be spending a special Thanksgiving day on Saturday with her family. It will be wonderful for them. I'm very glad that she has the opportunity to go to the funeral and spend a little time up there with Grandma Bingham. We would all be there in a heartbeat and would be if we could be there.

My thoughts are getting to be more and more jumbled every week. I can't hardly get the thoughts from my brain to my hands correctly. Playing the piano is getting to be a bit of a challenge because of the same thing. Signal to hands must have a short.

Well I'm whined enough so i figured I give you a view of the changes we have mad in the house before I leave. Have a thankful holiday season. Remember you are loved my us as well as by your Heavenly Father. Life is eternal and those who leave us behind will be there to greet us when we return home. What greater joy could we have.

Here is what our work is looking like:

We had a great Thanksgiving, and had most of the kids here. We missed the Chases and their happy family and Tim and his crew (they are coming for Christmas). But we did have fun with those that were here. We are definitely getting big enough to start feeling the differences in families. I sure miss mom and dad - they could have given me advice on how to proceed at this stage. I did finally through out all the leftovers. I'll remember next time that we can't eat as much as I think we will.

I figure that my old adage of "Life sucks and then you die" is really true. I have tried so hard to keep the kids getting along and be as stable as I can without getting out of sorts. I lost it this last week though. I had been out of meds for over a week and I definitely fell apart and did not cope well after a couple of days. I sure hope that doesn't happen again. I love being with the kids and sharing our lives, but I'm sure I didn't do a very good job this last holiday. I know that I hurt feelings and made some of the kids feel unloved and for that I'm sorry. It wasn't intentional and I would never want them to feel that way. I love each one and love my grand kids more than I can explain. I wish my girls could see into my heart and see and fell what I feel for and about each of them. If they can remember that how they feel about their kids is how I feel about them only more because I have had many years to learn to love them and help them grow.

I know this is a long post and you have probably given up by now, but I do still have a little more to say. Kendi you are a blessed mother. I am so proud of you and your family and how you have grown and taken care of the things you have faced. You are a good example to your sisters and those around you. Know that I love you. Jeff you crack me up. You make us laugh when no one else can, except maybe Rusty. You have always brought happiness and joy to our family. I love you and your family and wish you were closer so that we could spend more time together, but life does go on and we have to do what we must to take care of our families. Tim, I want you to know that you have grown more than I would have imagined. I never thought that your moving to NY would change you so much, but you have grown so much and you are such a good man. Keep it up, Dean and Noah are watching Rusty is the one I'm worrying about the most now. I hate to see him struggling to get things back into order. I pray for your continuing happiness and growth. Remember that I love you and nothing will change that, but I also have a desire to see you return to what you have been taught about the gospel and eternal life. I know it's hard to get back when you have been away for awhile, but don't let it get in the way. Rachel please remember that I love you and your kids. Yes I may complain about the mess they make, but I love them more than anything and want them around more than I care about the mess. I would never want you to stay away or feel that I don't love you as much as I do the other kids because I do. I have watched you grow and become the person you are today. You are a tough girl and I know you can get through anything because you are like me when it comes to survival and I'm proud of you. Megan my baby. Sadly once a baby always a baby. Ask Joe he knows. You are a good mom and keep me moving and involved in life which I really need. I'd be sitting at home without leaving except for work and church if you and Crispin didn't insist that I do things with you.

I know I rattle on and you are totally bored, but I love each of you and I love your dad for who he is and how much he supports and puts up with me. I love the gospel and the Lord and pray for His guiding hand in all that we do indivually and as families. Families are forever and I want ours to have that in the eternities. Remember that there are a lot of family already on the other side preparing for us to come and join them.

Oh the extended family :)

We got Mike buried yesterday. The service was so nice. I was surprised how much touched me. It was a whole lot harder than I had ever anticipated, I cried a lot....I think more than Dad. Mike looked more peaceful and and healthy than I had seen him. He was really thin, but not to thin - looked like he did in highschool, just grayer and a few lines on his face. Carl had the hardest job by doing his life history, but did a wonderful job. Paul did the family prayer, Terry did the opening prayer and Kenny did the closing prayers. I was so proud of them. Paul has truely taken over being the leader of those boys. He has taken care of his dad and of business for Mike and the boys through this whole situation. Olivia could call on Paul for help any time and he would be off to help.

We were able to spend time with cousins and aunts and uncles that a lot older than us. It is amazing how age just disappears after you all grow up. Aunt Thelma's age is showing and you can't help but wonder how long she will be with us. We saw cousins we had never met that were there to support us and cousins who didn't recognize me that made me laugh. I heard stories about us kids of when we were little. Friends we grew up with that I had to ask who they were because I wasn't sure who they were. I guess that's what happens when you don't come home more often than 6 years in between.

We drove around the old haunts and checked them out. Mom & Dad's house looked really good and pretty much the same. Ririe hasn't changed much except Brown's grocery is closed and that left no where to go in and check out for Mallownut bars. Marverick stores are still the same with the pink frosted cookies, and doughnuts that are almost as good as Krispy Kreme's.

Joe, Janet, Carl and I, along with our spouses and Barry, Kendi, Renee, Neal and the other kids could sit forever and talk and laugh about everything under the sun. Carl still needs to be right and be the loudest. We all complain that we don't get together enough, but we don't do anything about it. Joe and Janet were sure to get into a tiff to keep things normal and I can roll my eyes with the best of them when Carl is positive he is right.

Kendi and Sharon bonded really fast. They are both Relief Society president's in their wards and could talk about all of that. Joe's kids and Kendi's kids, and Irene all had a ball and found that the new cousins were really fun to be with.

I'll post more once we are finished visiting and I can put thoughts together better. I love my family and and so thankful for our heritage and our posterity.

Life is just a circle

Life is so weird! As my children are aware my oldest brother, Mike, is in a coma and on life support after a coking accident last Sunday. He has been unresponsive since he was admitted to the hospital and put on life support. Mike's youngets son paul keeps me posted while Janet is away and this morning said that the nurse said that Mike had been in cardiac arrest yesterday and that there is also something going on with his pancreas. There will be a family conference tomorrow that all Mike's kids, Olivia, Aunt Thelma, and Mike's bishop will be there (Janet is trying to get home so she can be there). Paul said they will probably turn the life support off tomorrow.

Janet and I have both had melt downs and thank goodness I have been blessed to find the good in every situation. With Mike I can think about his being with Mom and Dad and that he is released from all the worldly troubles that have been his. He will be like his old self when we were growing up and he will be able to do all the things he wants too and help on the other side.

My memories of Mike growing up are few right now. I'm sure if I could sit and look at old movies ad think about it I could come up with a lot of them. I can actually remember his favorite song in high school - Silence is Golden. I remember watching the cartoon "The Flintstones" and Mike pounding on the couch yelling "WILMA", "WILMA" just like Fred does on the cartoon. Janet's is of our first trip to Disneyland and riding the Matterhorn and Mike sitting in the front car saying over and over again "Scrud". His favorite word at that time. I wonder what Carl and Joe's are.

Mike struggled his whole teenage and adult life. He never quite fit in with the kids his age and was a little backward socially. But no one was more willing to help the underdog than Mike. I can remember being in 7th grade and one of the bullying guys Mike's age calling me "LeapFrogs little sister" and me standing up to him and telling him to never call me or Mike that again. Mike always did his best and wanted to do what was right. He loved his boys and Olivia and Irene. He is a good man and we'll miss him.

So now his life circle has moved to the next level - moving to the spiritual level of things. Next he will be busy as can be helping teach the gospel on the other side. I love you Mike and glad you are my big brother.

Life is always interesting.

If you have looked at my last entry on Facebook, you know that we had a fire in our church building. It was kinda frightening to wonder what was really happening. It felt like hours before the fire department came to check things out. Thank goodness it was only a burned out motor in the air/heat system, because had the building been in flames they wouln't have been able to contain it and save the building. I was awfully thankful that it occured on a Saturday not a Sunday. But when Alan got home today he said that the alarm went off again this morning before he left. I wondered in the other ward was in Sacrament meeting, but he said they had gone to Sunday School and Primary. All I could visualize was a bunch of 3 and 4 year olds freaking out. I'm sure tomorrow they will get the serviceman out there and get it fixed.

Alan made it home safely from the Grand Canyon and said that they had a good trip even if they did get rained on. He only had 2 boys go and both boys bore their testimonies and spoke about what they felt while going down and then out. Alan is always so good about ensuring they learn a gospel principal no matter the activity.

Rachel and her family are here for a few days. She is going to go and help Megan when she has her proceedure done this week. I know Megan appreciates the help and I am so unhappy that I can't take the time. I tried to and tired to get my teeth done, but my boss put the kibosh on that since we are acquiring 2 companies this week and are preparing for that. I sure wish I could retire and just play and help my kids.

I was able to get tooth fixed that was broken and had some decay under the old filling. I had to really do some hopping around at work to get it done, but at least I got it done. This time I got quite a few canker sores. I always get a couple, but they go away. This time one of them was really bad and was getting bigger. So I had to find time at the end of the day so Mike Dick could put some stuff on it so it would get better.

The ward has now called 3 young women to help with the music in church. One is the new ward chorister and the other 2 will begin learning to play in church. I'd like to get them using the organ so that they are not afraid of it. I'm really proud of these girls and their willingness to serve. I know I have the responsibility to teach them and that can be daunting and take some time, but I know this is needed so that they can fulfill the responsilbilities they are given now and in the future.

This will be my golden birthday - you know the one that matches the year you were born. I had to laugh when I got senior tickets for the movies. I know Dad looks senior age with his graying hair, but come on I dye my hair so I don't look it. Not really - I told the girl that I was just a couple of weeks from 55 so she gave me the discount too. I was on Facebook and chatting with one of the girls I grew up with. She was so funny in worrying about not being a better friend and doing more. For me, it was just good memories of being a kid and how much fun we had. We weren't prefect and we all had our challenges, but that was years ago and I much prefer my memories of fun over the memories of hurt feelings.

We have had true monsoon this last week. It started on Thursday afternoon with a big storm that really put down the rain. It would clear up for a little while and then rain again. Now I would be ok with that except that the humidity level has also gone through the ceiling. It is really hard to feel comfortable even with the air going. Yesterday just going from my car into the church drenched me. I even had my umbrella. Then when we were waiting for the firemen my glasses kept fogging up. BUT September is just around the corner and the wonderful weather will return.

Take care family - I love you all

What Happened to Me?

Well everyone is home at least for awhile. I think Alan is planning a night hike in the Grand Canyon with the young men this weekend. He is such an ANIMAL when it comes to hiking. He is so good for all the young men and challenging them to go a little harder and farther.

Work is the PITS for sure. My partner in crime has been on vacaion for almost 2 weeks and I'm going through the floor with stress. It was okay until this week and now it has been totally crazy. I set a dental appointment for my birthday and wanted to take the day off and schedule my annual physical, blood work, get my picture changed on my drivers license before it is suspended and just hang out. I asked the boss and she asked that I do is sooner if I could. So I did and then the boss wasn't happy about that date. But I'll get it done tomorrow anyway. I really do hate having my picture done for anything and having my face numb. Oh well!

I have a lot of friends from high school that are now on facebook. I was out looking at their posts and pictures and found that I am a blessed person. I don't know what I did that I got to be lucky, but so many of these kids are divorced and living alone and through their kids. True I do live through my kids and grandkids, but I'm not alone. I said to Alan that I didn't understand how the Lord could give me such blessings and the drive to keep things together for our family. Thank goodness for stubbornness.

We move to the Kortsen church on Sunday. I'm really nervous about the organ. I have never seen it and I have no idea how to set the stops. Hopefully I will remember to make time and get over there to see what it's like. It will be interesting to see how confused we can be when we move. Of course all the old 1st warders have been in that building, but none of the old 2nd warders have. It will be fun.

It is really hot right now. It was 112 when I came home tonight. I think the humidity must be 50%....not really, but it is humid and so the air feels either really hot or really cold if the air is too cold. BUT September is coming and things will begin to cool. Then winter will come and I'll complain about it being cold. Never happy am I?

Happy Birthday America!

I'm a little behind, but when does my life go on schedule? I was thinking in sacrament meeting about my dad and his birthday and how old he would have been if he was still alive. I always laughed when he used to say that he thought everyone was celebrating his birthday with the parades, parties, fire works until he was twelve. I know he probably knew sooner, but he always told us the same thing. I remember that we used to ask him about being a kid and growing up in Ririe and on the dry farms. We loved to hear the stories he would tell us, but we loved Uncle Orv's stories the best because they would be scary. Now all I wish is that I could hear them tell us one more time the stories of that could scare us and sing the songs that made us laugh.

How thankful I am that my father taught me about being a good citizen and understanding what men and women gave so that I could live as I choose. I know he was proud of having served in the Navy for our freedom at the end of WWII. I'm thankful that he taught me to respect and love the history of our country and the native tribes that were here. He loved the old stories of the great cheifs of the leaders of the country and those who settled the west. He loved being an American and was proud of it. Hopefully all our children and grandchildren will also be thankful for these freedoms and the men and women who served and serve us now.

Alan, Rusty, Megan, Crispin and Marcus are in Idaho this week. They will have a great time and already they have enjoyed the layed back days of the 4th up there. Alan is always sure to call me each day and check to see how things are. He says they are having a ball and doing all the things they can while there.

Rae and the kids came and stayed with me for a couple of days and we just ate and vegged. It is always fun when they are around. Both kids crack me up. Grant is my boy and Cami has found that I can be fun too. She figured out that I wasn't a crazy lady and she would play with me. Both kids are growing up so fast. We missed having Mark here, but it sounds like he slept in while they were away. He is such a good man.

Well it'll be back to the grind stone tomorrow. I wish I was retired so that I could just go and play whenever Alan goes. But if I didn't work we couldn't play. Hopefully sooner than later. The next trip is to the Canyon for a weekend with the scouts, so maybe I can go up then with them.

This may be a conbobulated message, but I did want you to know that I love my country and an thankful for those that gave their all for me. I'm also thankful that I had good parents to teach me the values that I have and the feelings that have taken root in my soul.

Family is the Best

Life has pretty much been the same, not to much change - as usual. Alan's birthday, our anniversary and Father's day have all come and gone. It's hard to believe that we have been married for 36 years. That is twice as long as I was single. WOW! We have figured out how to be happy and how to better understand each other. I can't we have it all figured out, but way better than we did years ago. Lots of blessings from our Father in Heaven have gotten us through it all.

We were able to go camping with Rachel, Mark and family Friday night at Patagonia Lake. Different kind of camping being in the desert near water. We usually head for the hills so it was different, but a lot of fun. Grant loved fishing with Daddy and Granpa, and I think Grandpa loved just being there with Mark and Grant. I just hung out with Rae and Cami. it just felt good to do nothing. Mark and Rae are good parents and love their kids and are trying very hard to be a righteous family. I hope that Mark's new job comes through soon and then that stress in their lives will ease some.

Alan, Rusty, Crispin, Megan and Marcus are looking forward and planning for their vacation to Idaho and Utah. If you ask Marcus where he is going he will tell you he is going to the farm. I think is mom is really coaching him on that one, but they are all excited to go. Rae and kids will come and spend the 4th with me since I can't go. Boohoo!

I've found a new goal to work on now that our NY trip is finished. I've got to get back to eating healthier and take off a few more pounds. So with Jenny Craig and LA Fitness I can reach my goal. The hardest part is making the decision and taking the bull by the horn and doing it.

With having been to NY and everyone planning their next trip, I wish I could retire so that I could go see my kids and siblings whenever I wanted. Of course if I was retired I couldn't afford to go. What a quandry :o(

Remember with the holiday coming, that Gpa Summers birthday is the 4th and he believed and taught me how important our freedom is. How wonderful it is to live in this free land and worship and do as we see fit. He served our country and knew what that meant. He loved all of us and was very proud of us. He knew we had our short comings, but he and Gma loved us all unconditionally. I'm sure they are on the otherside watching us and waiting for our turn to leave this mortal world. Stay close to the Lord, thank him for all He has given us and be thankful for everyone and everything around you.

Home again, Home again jiggedy jig

I give up - I've been trying for a week to get my pics and post to line up, but no luck. So I have attached some of my favorites.


We had a wonderful time with Tim, Lorna and their boys. We went to Boston, Salem and found the best fish place in Massachusetts. Dad said he had the best clam chowder he'd ever had and we ate as much fish as we could. Dean and Noah got to know the Bingham grandparents and we had fun getting to play with them.


Dad worked with Tim on his house and they got a lot done and enjoyed the father and son project. I'll have to go back out soon so I can see the progress.

Going to the Sacred Grove and Smith home was a wonderful experience. Imagine standing where the Prophet Joseph grew up, saw the Father and the Son and spoke to the Angel Moroni. Standing on the Hill Cumorah where the golden plates had been hidden for years waiting for Joseph to bring them forth.


Tim and Lorna live in a great little place in NY. They live on a hill in the middle of what looks like the forest. Trees everywhere and we had wonderful weather. Sitting on the porch and reading watching Dean was the ultimate in vacations. So very restful!

Touching the original bricks of the hearthstones where the gold plates were hidden from the mobs.

Recreated Smith Cabin on the original foundation. The upper room of the original cabin was where Joseph saw Moroni. I stood on the same ground - WOW!

My view from Tim's porch where I loved to sit and enjoy each day

Dean sitting on the porch at home just chillin

Noah - What a cutey. He has a really cute personality to go with the cuteness

Alan leaving the Sacred Grove

Statue of Moroni on the top of the Hill Cumorah - Golden Plates were hidden just below and to the west of where this stands

My very favorite picture and most peaceful place I have ever been

THE SACRED GROVE.

Imagine the Lord and Jesus stood in these trees to speak with Joseph and let him know about what was needed to restore the gospel

With everything we did the best was just being with Tim and Lorna and the boys. The Baldwin's were so good to us. Mike and Theresa let us stay at their home while they were in France. They too have a beautiful home and view. Rob and his family came over and we cooked out. We had venison steak (the best I have ever eaten - wouldn't have known it was deer if someone hadn't told me). Dad made dutch oven potatoes and cobbler. He taught Lorna how to use the ducth oven and she has been experimenting since we left and is having a ball.

Alan and Rob and Tim cooking in the firepit at Tim's

Lorna and Dean reading about trucks

I CAN'T WAIT TO GO BACK AND PLAY AGAIN! Love you kids, thanks for letting us spend time with you and your family.

Almost to the end

Well, we have only 1 1/2 days left here with Tim, Lorna and their boys. It has been a great time and we have seen a lot of different things. This has been a wonderful trip and Dean finally knows this Granma and Granpa. I'll have to get a webcam so I can talk to him so he doesn't forget us. Little Noah is a cutey and loves to smile. I'll post pictures once I get home. Get ready AZ kids we're on our way back. Oh and keep the dry heat there for me, I'm tired of the humidity.

Things can always be worse!

Well, we're down to just over 4 days until we get to got o NY and see Tim and family. I can hardly wait.....I hope I can get everything finished by Thursday night.

We went to Rae and Mark's for yesterday and had a ball! Grant and Cami are growing like weeds and are so fun. We went to great place for breakfast and had the hugest and best pancakes I've had for a long time. Then drove around Bisbee to see some of the old places and ended at the farmer's market there. Boy you can sure see the hippyville influence there. All these old guys dress and acting like they did in the 70's. It was weird. But the Maroney family came home with a new puppy. It is really cute, kinda reminds me of our kids dog Peanut. Same kind of black and white markings, but a body like a bassett hound. I think they will name her Marley.

Rusty is doing well and getting into the swing of our house. I know it's hard for him because Dad and I are so weird. We kinda run on our own schedules, we eat weird because I do Jenny and Dad scrounges and cooks what he wants and coming and going can be really confusiong. And Rusty is so good about watching what I want on TV. He doesn't even complain about all the oldies I watch. Thanks Rusty you are a good son!

Macki is doing good too. It will be easier on both her and Rusty once she is out of the house. She can then move on and do the things that will help her cope.

One of our dear friends son's died on Friday night. Chad Merrill. He is the same age as Tim and has been fighting demons for so long that it is hard to remember when it started. I couldn't help but wonder what happened in his head those last hours. Was life so hard for him that he couldn't carry on, was the addiction more than he could overcome even though he had been locked up for so long, did Satan know that he could move Chad to brink no matter what? My heart aches for Connie and her family. It will be a difficult change for them. I hope that now he is released from his mortal body that he can overcome and progess and rise to his potential. Our love and prayers go out to Connie and her kids.

So, see things could be worse. We could not have our complete family here on earth with us. We can cope and get through anything together. I hope all of my kids know that I love them and am proud of them. I know that they can conquer anything with the love of each other and the help of the Lord. We are so blessed!

Lots to be thankful for! :o)

Wow! Here we are in May already. Before you know it it will be Christmas again. ARGH - where does the time go.

I'm getting pretty good at staying to all 3 hours of church. I love Sunday School, Brother Anderson is the best teacher. I always feel like I'm learning something from him. It has been a long time since I have loved SS. The testimonies were wonderful today, as they always are. There is no particular message that anyone had, but it sure makes you happy for your own testimony and the things you are thankful for. I can't imagine a world without the gospel or family. I love the feeling of comfort that comes from the Lord. He is always there and knows our needs. I have a good friend who never had children and now she takes care of her mom, but who will love and take care of her when she is at that stage in her life. Kids are wonderful and bring a lot of joy into my life. I love to hear of their successes and feel very sad when they are fighting the challenges of life. I miss my older grandkids. It is really strange to know they are not just up the street. It sounds like they are doing really good, but still miss them.

We are down to 18 1/2 days until we leave for New York. I told Tim he has to be sure that Dean knows that I'm gma and that I'll spoil him while I'm out there. I can't wait to get reacquainted with him and to meet the new Noah. And oh to see Lorna! It has been forever since we saw her and it will be a wonderful time together. I hope it warms us and stays warm so I don't freeze - I'm not sure I can pack enough if it stays so weird weathered.

Remember all your blessings and the challenges will be ok. Depend on the Lord to direct you in all your decisions and know that he knows your challenges too. I'm so glad to have everyone I know in my life. Thank you for loving and caring.

Love my kids

Ok kids - take a breath and rest from stress. The sadness is getting a little better, but things still feel unreal. I had the opportunity to go visit with Macki last night after work. She was at Megan and Crispin's so I went over and spent the evening. I feel better now that I have seen and talked to Macki. I'm so worried about her and want her to be happy and unstressed. I wish I could change things for her and make Rusty see what he is losing as well as giving up.

I'm so proud of my kids and their willingness to help each other out and to worry about me. Each one of the kids has expressed the sadness over the situation and want to know what they can do to help. They are such good kids. Not sure how I was blessed with such valiant spirits and their companions that are truly supportive and loved.

The weather has turned off cold (for me) and I wish it would get warm, warm, warm....I hate being cold. I love the sun!

Kitty has learned to go through the outside doggie doors. Thank you Odie! We know she will go out, but not sure if she will come back in yet. We'll see. Tomorrow is her hair appointment - LOL - groomer. She sure needs it. She gets pretty dirty just hanging out here. She is a good dog and I enjoy having her here. She meets me at the door every day when I get home ready for some attention.

Still SAD :(

Things are still sad around here. I cry everytime I think of the situation. It was really hard to take pictures down and put them away. How am I going to get used to no Macki. She is such a part of our lives. She is like by own daughter and is a good friend.

There is nothing I fear as much as our becoming the bad out-laws with the Bakers. I know how the bad feelings can get imbedded in the heart after a heart breaking episode. I'm so sad that I won't be a full time gma to the new little baby that will come into this world. I will really miss that opportunity.

I wish I could see into the future to see what the Lord's plan is. I know there is one and patience will let us know what it is, but oh the sorrow there is today. I just need to put my trust in HIM.

Broken heart

I guess even being a parent your kids can break your heart. Rusty and Macki are calling quits - not because Macki is done, but because Rusty is done. I feel like we have had a death in the family. We love Macki so much and she is a perfect match for our family. I don't know how long it takes to get past this one, but it sure hurts right now. Our Aunt Macki will be sorely missed and we love her and want her to have joy, happiness, a family of her own. She deserves the very best in life. Keep her in your prayers so that she will have comfort and have the strength to press forward. Sorrow reigns!

Yeah - It's Friday

Time rolls by. We are down to just over 30 days until I get to go on vacation. I'm ready! If I could I start a road trip in Sierra Vista and go to each kids house and end up in NY. Whouldn't that be a ball?

Alan is really frustrated with his work and is going over and over what to do when he retires, should he think of leaving his job, what doI want to do. He is driving me totally crazy! We may be getting older, but retirement - not yet unless I can do a lot of fun stuff.

I love Cesar Milan.....Dog Whisperer is my favorite show. I always learn little bits here and there that I try to incorporate with Kitty. She is really good inside, but she still won't go through the double doors to go outside or come in. She is a stubborn dog!

Taxes - Bleck

Well I finally got our taxes finished and sent. What a relief, now to get the refund from the State. Or maybe not - maybe they will send me an IOU. Wouldn't that suck!

Megan and Marcus came down so that I could help with their taxes, but we didn't get them down as far as they would have liked, but I hope it was better than what it would have been. Marcus helped gpa work on the yard while Meg and I worked on taxes and stuff and he had a blast as usual.

The weather is warming up and I LOVE it. We are getting close to 90 degrees which means no more space heater for me I'll be warm without it.

I'm now down 20 lbs. I started at the first of the year, but didn't make much progress until I went back to Jenny Craig. Thank goodness I bought the lifetime membership when I did (they don't have one any more). I'm hoping to take a few more lbs off before we go to NY. I kid that I need to fit in the airline seat. I fit, but I hate being uncomfortable. But we are down to 40d 15h 7m until we leave. WAHOO! Can't wait for vacation. :o)

Time flies when you're having fun!

Lots has happened over the last few weeks. Easter, conference (didn't hear anything), worrying about Jeff, worrying about getting plans done for our NY trip and talk about houses needing cleaning - mine is way behind. If taxes don't get done tomorrow, Uncle Sam will be on our doorstep wanting interest and late fees along with what we owe.

It was a lot of fun over Easter weekend with everyone who lives close here. The little boys had fun egg hunting and playing together. I love when they chase each other around, but when it gets to chase and screech at the top of your voice it's time for gma to hide. All the kids are growing like weeds and cute as all get out. It won't be long until the boys are chatting away. Both boys are talking a lot now and the vocabulary is getting more every day. Cami is a smiling animal. She talks to you and she does this growl thing that is funny to hear. What fun they are. BUT we do miss the other kids around.

Jeff's kids spent Easter weekend learning about how men and saws don't mix well if there is a problem in the wood. I wish they were closer and then I could help with them and give Jeff and Annie a break. I'd keep them all the time if I could. I sure miss them!

It was weird not having the Chase crew here for Easter and conference. We are so used to their being here that is just feels weird. I even wondered if Kendi and the kids were making doughnuts on Saturday night while Chris, Zach and Blake went to priesthood meeting. Old habits die hard.

I'm so glad Lorna and Tim got updated pictures on their blog. I can't believe how much the boys are changing. I can't wait to go out there and see them. I have even added a countdown to my desktop so I can keep close track of how long until we fly out of here. Tim and I finally got a decision made for a hotel in Boston. No NYC this trip - costs a fortune and I think Alan is not to thrilled about going there so maybe this will be another trip. I'm sure we can find plenty to do near Boston and at Tims.

Miracle Drugs

Ok, so I figured out I was really depressed on Saturday. I ran out of one of my meds, but thought I could go without it. HA - I should know better by now. But I'm pretty much back to myself now with the meds going in. Thanks to you guys that worried.....I'm fine and I'll keep going.

Life at 54 is lonely

I know the kids that read my blog will either be mad at me or worry about nothing. But last night started the blues of this episode. I love having the kids around...the grandkids are so much fun and so forgiving of my short comings. I know that Marcus will always love who he calls "his Maama" and so will Grant as long as he has the opportunity to be around, but what about my own children. Megan, Crispin, Rusty, Macki and I were having a very enjoyable day, I got a call from Rae and I tried to talk to her, but she said she'd let me go because I had things to do and so she hung up. I knew she was upset, but I wasn't sure what she wanted from me. Then I check my text messages and there is a picture of Cami with Rae's Disney ears on and a text saying "guess where she wants to go?" I text back that I'll go any time and then I get one text elling me to "have fun with that" and another telling me they will not be coming on Easter weekend. This broke my heart and I knew that I had hurt her feelings without meaning to do so.


I guess the only way to keep the peace is for me to not go anywhere or do anything with the kids to hermit here in my boring world. This way not one of them will feel they are being snubbed or ignored or that I don't care about their lives, that I love the other kids more, or that I'm a real butt.


I've often felt that I have failed my kids. When they were young, because of circumstances beyond my control, I had trouble just hanging on. I worried for each one of them, I wanted them to be happy and sheltered from the sorrow's I felt. Well I guess I just pulled to far away and now I'm paying the price. I'm not very good at keeping the peace or spreading myself between the kids without hurting feelings one way or another.

Another day another dollar

My car is still in the shop. I hope they hurry up and get it done. I don't mind the Focus rental, but I miss the bigger car. As of this morning the part/transmission is still not here. Maybe Ford should give me a new car.

Working is still a royal pain, but I know that I won't get fired - they can't find any people to work part time that know how to work let alone one who works full time. I just get tired of all the problems being caused by me. Not that the audit person couldn't catch some of the issues. It just bugs me that I get bitten all the time for what happens, but no one else seems to. I've got to put into place a jillion catches because the person who audits my work isn't catching anything either. I'd quit if I didn't have a car payment and I didn't like, cable, internet and my cell phone. And of course I do like to spend when I want to spend.

I have a bad ache in both of my shoulders, but the one that I had surgery on has really hurt bad. Tylenol hasn't even touched it. Oh well, so goes old age.

Dad is talking about our NY trip and worrying about what we are going to do. He wants to just stay at Tim's and just hang out. For him that's great, for me it's torture. I do like to travel around and see what I have never seen. I guess we'll just have to wait and see what he decides. His decision will rule and I'll just deal - AS USUAL.

All new Kitty

Oh man - it took 3 hours and $67 to get Kitty to look like a schnauzer. I think she thought she had been deserted for sure. She behaved really good for never having been to a groomer before. I have already scheduled her for 6 weeks out to get taken care of again. Here are the before and after pictures.

Just going into the groomer

Don't I look GREAT!

It was worth every penny to get her too look so good. I can't wait for her legs and underskirt to get longer. She will be a beautiful schnauzer. I know it was easy for the Chase's to take care of her themselves, but I love her look as a true schnauzer.

Talk about blessed

Wow! Have we been blessed this year. Alan has been taken care of health wise, we have our jobs and our kids are well. What more could we ask for. But wait - I took my escape in to be serviced and let the dealership know that when we went to Utah and off and on since then the transmission has been weird. Alan commented on it when he turned a corner after getting gas or something and wondered why it acted so weird and the RPMs went up so far. Then when I got home I felt like it was slipping in and out of gear and the RPMs were going really high. I thought I was just imagining it and that there was nothing wrong....NOT - they are going to have to replace my transmission. There was a faulty part that Ford was aware of, but it wasn't global and so they are only addressing it as the issue comes up. They no longer make the part, so - new transmission. I have a Focus rental right now and I will be really glad when I get my escape back. I feel a little small on the freeway. But all I have been able to think about was I could have been dead on the freeway and not just turning it in for service.

Kitty will go to the grroomer tomorrow. It will be interesting to see how she will behave. I know she isn't mean, but I don't think she has ever gone to a groomer. I hope it won't take too long to get her looking like a schnauzer and finally clean. She has proof of shots, and the vet says she is healthy. Here is what she looks like now - DIRTY.

Back to work

Well I went back to work today, but I'm totally worn out. I can't figure out how to get better without going to the doc. I guess it's just time. Mom used to say you can go to bed for 2 wks or go about your daily tasks for 14 days to get over a cold.

No Alan or Kitty when I got home. I think he finally was able to get her to the vet for shots so I can get her groomed. She is so dirty that I can hardly stand her. PetSmart won't groom her without proof of shots so we had to take care of that first. I hope she isn't grouchy after the vet like a baby.

I really hate coughing

Alan has been coughing for about 4 weeks. It sounds like it hurts and that he's going to cough up a lung. I have worried about him, but the pulmanologist says everything is good - it's just the change in the weather. We even came home from Utah early because of the cough, but since he went to the doc and got new meds I don't think I've heard him cough since then. Wahoo! But of course I've now caught cold and have the cough. Yuck, Yuck, Yuck.

It was a lot of fun going to Jeff's and spending a little time with them. I haven't been up there for 2 years, and haven't seen them for over a year when they were down at Christmas time. I'm such a bad grandma. I even let Annie take my picture and I thought it was a good one. I guess I can smile and enjoy pics now more...but I do need to be cleaned up and have good hair and face.

Kitty is doing really good here. She doesn't seem to be depressed or look like she is stressed. She has decided that Alan is her master and will hang out with him if he is here. If he isn't she will at least sit by me. We can't seem to get her to use the doggy doors though. She will go through them if the flaps are up, but there is no way she wants or will come through it if it's down. I don't know how we are going to get her to come through. Even though I didn't want a dog I really enjoy having Kitty here. I'd like to change her name, but can't seem to get it done..so Kitty it will be.

Just another day

Time flies when we're having fun. Kids are almost ready to move and grandma is feeling a little blue. I'm sure glad that my younger kids are close by and spend time with me.



We had fun getting prepared for Kitty coming. We got a collar and a tag, toys, chew stuff, doors, dishes. I hope she doesn't get to blue after the kids leave her with me. I'm getting kind of excited to have her come.



We'll be on our way to Utah for Ty's baptism this week. I'm ready for a break I wish we could take a week and just play with them. Of course, with all the rain we are getting they could be pretty cold up in snow country. Now to find time to go to NY!

The day is almost over, the families have all gone home and Alan is at church meetings. Oh how still the house is. I know each of the kids have posted notes regarding the move of Kendi and Chris. I feel like there must be something wrong with me because I've held it together and am not falling a part. I remember so clearly how we were led here to Casa Grande and I know that this is what is going on in Kendi and Chris's life. I will miss them a lot, but I wonder what the Lord has in store for them. I'm so proud of their family - I've always known that Kendi made a perfect choice in accepting Chris's proposal. He is so good to her, and such a good example for his family. You can truely see the influence he and Kendi have had on their kids. They are in for a great adventure.

I know this change is hard on Megan, Macki and Rachel. They have grown to admire Kendi and her family. I think the girls had no idea they would respond and feel the way the do over this move. Families are an amazing thing. We may squable and argue, sometimes call each other names, but when all is said and done we love each other deeply. How thankful I am my kids and their little families my Heavenly Father has blessed us all with each new member that joins us.

Life Sucks and Then You Die

This has always been one of my favorite sayings. My kids always told me it was sick, but when they read the Twighlight series they remembered me when they came to that saying in the second book. I guess I love it because it is how I feel most of the time.

I am unsure if I want my kids to see my posts, feelings tend to get hurt without the sayer or writer meaning anything towards them. I'll have to see how it goes.

My life has not been unhappy, but I can't say I have been a happiest person in this world. I grew up very happy, loved my parents, my siblings, my extended family, and my friends. I loved being me. I could say I lived in nervanah during that life. But as I got older life definiately left the marks of growing. I found out that marriage is the hardest thing life, that littlekids are wonderful, teenagers will break your heart, and grandkids are the reward.

But life goes on and kids and grandkids must move on too. As of the 6th of March the majority of my grandkids will live 1000's of miles away. It was hard when the 1st moved, but here we go again. And guess what - it isn't close. I sometimes wonder how we will ever see our grandkids enough. I can hardly find time to see them when they live down the street. It makes me want to cry thinking about this change. But I know this is where the Lord is sending them. They have a journey and must make it.

Their move will then give me a new journey. Owning a dog. Not just any dog, but an inside dog. I've always struggled with this concept. I hate dog hair and dogs that are hyper. But I am assured this schnauzzer is a good dog. She is cute, and she does like me. If I'm not careful, she will get so excited that she leaves her mark when she sees me. This could be very interesting. I Dr. Oz says I'll live longer if I have a pet. We'll see. :)