Miracle Drugs

Ok, so I figured out I was really depressed on Saturday. I ran out of one of my meds, but thought I could go without it. HA - I should know better by now. But I'm pretty much back to myself now with the meds going in. Thanks to you guys that worried.....I'm fine and I'll keep going.

Life at 54 is lonely

I know the kids that read my blog will either be mad at me or worry about nothing. But last night started the blues of this episode. I love having the kids around...the grandkids are so much fun and so forgiving of my short comings. I know that Marcus will always love who he calls "his Maama" and so will Grant as long as he has the opportunity to be around, but what about my own children. Megan, Crispin, Rusty, Macki and I were having a very enjoyable day, I got a call from Rae and I tried to talk to her, but she said she'd let me go because I had things to do and so she hung up. I knew she was upset, but I wasn't sure what she wanted from me. Then I check my text messages and there is a picture of Cami with Rae's Disney ears on and a text saying "guess where she wants to go?" I text back that I'll go any time and then I get one text elling me to "have fun with that" and another telling me they will not be coming on Easter weekend. This broke my heart and I knew that I had hurt her feelings without meaning to do so.


I guess the only way to keep the peace is for me to not go anywhere or do anything with the kids to hermit here in my boring world. This way not one of them will feel they are being snubbed or ignored or that I don't care about their lives, that I love the other kids more, or that I'm a real butt.


I've often felt that I have failed my kids. When they were young, because of circumstances beyond my control, I had trouble just hanging on. I worried for each one of them, I wanted them to be happy and sheltered from the sorrow's I felt. Well I guess I just pulled to far away and now I'm paying the price. I'm not very good at keeping the peace or spreading myself between the kids without hurting feelings one way or another.

Another day another dollar

My car is still in the shop. I hope they hurry up and get it done. I don't mind the Focus rental, but I miss the bigger car. As of this morning the part/transmission is still not here. Maybe Ford should give me a new car.

Working is still a royal pain, but I know that I won't get fired - they can't find any people to work part time that know how to work let alone one who works full time. I just get tired of all the problems being caused by me. Not that the audit person couldn't catch some of the issues. It just bugs me that I get bitten all the time for what happens, but no one else seems to. I've got to put into place a jillion catches because the person who audits my work isn't catching anything either. I'd quit if I didn't have a car payment and I didn't like, cable, internet and my cell phone. And of course I do like to spend when I want to spend.

I have a bad ache in both of my shoulders, but the one that I had surgery on has really hurt bad. Tylenol hasn't even touched it. Oh well, so goes old age.

Dad is talking about our NY trip and worrying about what we are going to do. He wants to just stay at Tim's and just hang out. For him that's great, for me it's torture. I do like to travel around and see what I have never seen. I guess we'll just have to wait and see what he decides. His decision will rule and I'll just deal - AS USUAL.

All new Kitty

Oh man - it took 3 hours and $67 to get Kitty to look like a schnauzer. I think she thought she had been deserted for sure. She behaved really good for never having been to a groomer before. I have already scheduled her for 6 weeks out to get taken care of again. Here are the before and after pictures.

Just going into the groomer

Don't I look GREAT!

It was worth every penny to get her too look so good. I can't wait for her legs and underskirt to get longer. She will be a beautiful schnauzer. I know it was easy for the Chase's to take care of her themselves, but I love her look as a true schnauzer.

Talk about blessed

Wow! Have we been blessed this year. Alan has been taken care of health wise, we have our jobs and our kids are well. What more could we ask for. But wait - I took my escape in to be serviced and let the dealership know that when we went to Utah and off and on since then the transmission has been weird. Alan commented on it when he turned a corner after getting gas or something and wondered why it acted so weird and the RPMs went up so far. Then when I got home I felt like it was slipping in and out of gear and the RPMs were going really high. I thought I was just imagining it and that there was nothing wrong....NOT - they are going to have to replace my transmission. There was a faulty part that Ford was aware of, but it wasn't global and so they are only addressing it as the issue comes up. They no longer make the part, so - new transmission. I have a Focus rental right now and I will be really glad when I get my escape back. I feel a little small on the freeway. But all I have been able to think about was I could have been dead on the freeway and not just turning it in for service.

Kitty will go to the grroomer tomorrow. It will be interesting to see how she will behave. I know she isn't mean, but I don't think she has ever gone to a groomer. I hope it won't take too long to get her looking like a schnauzer and finally clean. She has proof of shots, and the vet says she is healthy. Here is what she looks like now - DIRTY.

Back to work

Well I went back to work today, but I'm totally worn out. I can't figure out how to get better without going to the doc. I guess it's just time. Mom used to say you can go to bed for 2 wks or go about your daily tasks for 14 days to get over a cold.

No Alan or Kitty when I got home. I think he finally was able to get her to the vet for shots so I can get her groomed. She is so dirty that I can hardly stand her. PetSmart won't groom her without proof of shots so we had to take care of that first. I hope she isn't grouchy after the vet like a baby.

I really hate coughing

Alan has been coughing for about 4 weeks. It sounds like it hurts and that he's going to cough up a lung. I have worried about him, but the pulmanologist says everything is good - it's just the change in the weather. We even came home from Utah early because of the cough, but since he went to the doc and got new meds I don't think I've heard him cough since then. Wahoo! But of course I've now caught cold and have the cough. Yuck, Yuck, Yuck.

It was a lot of fun going to Jeff's and spending a little time with them. I haven't been up there for 2 years, and haven't seen them for over a year when they were down at Christmas time. I'm such a bad grandma. I even let Annie take my picture and I thought it was a good one. I guess I can smile and enjoy pics now more...but I do need to be cleaned up and have good hair and face.

Kitty is doing really good here. She doesn't seem to be depressed or look like she is stressed. She has decided that Alan is her master and will hang out with him if he is here. If he isn't she will at least sit by me. We can't seem to get her to use the doggy doors though. She will go through them if the flaps are up, but there is no way she wants or will come through it if it's down. I don't know how we are going to get her to come through. Even though I didn't want a dog I really enjoy having Kitty here. I'd like to change her name, but can't seem to get it done..so Kitty it will be.